I'm so sorry, Lost Odyssey. But I think I'm gonna stop playing you. I know I'm halfway through your 4th disc already, and I know you'd reward me with lots of fancy endgame cutscenes and music...but I can't go on like this. Things have changed. These days, I'm already annoyed before my save file loads and I find myself banging my 360 controller into the couch a lot more frequently. The thrill is gone, baby. Perhaps knowing when to stop is no reason to feel defeated, but a sign of real maturity. Rest assured on my DVD rack, the 35+ hours I've devoted to you will be remembered fondly...but if I don't stop now, I'll only grow to loathe you and the 2 days of life you robbed from my beating heart.

Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey
When we first met, I was instantly filled with anticipation. I thirsted for you each hour I couldn't explore your awe-inspiring tapestry of adventure. I paid full price for you! Without renting you first! Can you even fathom the gamble I took...the buyer's anxiety I experienced?! $60 for a wish...the glimmer of hope that you could fill the gaping hole left behind by Final Fantasy XII and Elder Scrolls: Oblivion? Damn you and your epic Fantasy Role-Playing promises! I'm sorry...I didn't mean that. I love you. And if we part ways now, I always will. You see, I don't want to be driven solely to satiate my completionist ego. No way, honey. I used to savor each moment, quiver with elation every time I stumbled upon a hidden chest, assembled a new ring, or unocked memories. I must admit - I stopped reading the memories in Disc 3...although I did really enjoy the one about the old shoemaker.

I don't blame you for everything, boo. I blame myself. I'm the one who became dominated by walkthroughs and faqs...forced into informational bondage, consulting my laptop every 10 steps. I was an utter maniac...I was consumed by my ambition to ravage you, uncover all your secrets. I forgot how to enjoy you, cold love you down. I don't deserve your breathtaking CGI finale.

Kaim Algonar
And so, I bid you adieu...

To Kaim - It was a pleasure turning you into a melee god. It would have been very satisfying to free Gongora from his mid-life crisis, wrought with frosted tips and a trucker moustache. Thank you for proving a hero can bare his midriff and wear dangling earrings without sacrificing his masculinity. You made me care - you're not the immature Eeyore of typical Fantasy heroes past. Your brooding demeanor imparts a deep wisdom, an understanding of the power and futility of words. I only hope the leading men in Fantasy's future will follow your example. One more thing I simply have to ask - How does it feel to be far prettier than your wife?

To Jensen - Golly, I remember the day we formed our ragtag group in front of Uhra. *chuckle* I really hated you at first, but you grew on me. What game you have! I can see why the ladies can't resist your painted lips and ponytail, you androgynous lothario! Your spellcasting animation is the coolest, and you really know how to rock a Bea Arthur ensemble. I still can't figure out how you didn't notice that purple robot contact lens on your eyeball...haha! Clownery! I'll miss you, you lovable quipster. You're a lot funnier in Italian. Oh...and never ever sing again.
Jansen Friedh
Seth Balmore
Burn on you, Viera skanks!
To Seth - You're a top-notch undead broad, and I'm not just saying that because you're named after my 1st childhood crush. Thanks for doing your part in the advancement of racially ambiguous video game stars...though I was understandably perplexed when I discovered your son is an elderly white man. Still, you have a semi-afro and pseudo-colored skin. Baby steps. At least you weren't a rabbit beast with a speech impediment.
Ming Numara
To Ming - Thanks for all the heals. Your composite magic was a great idea but hardly useful, considering it took 2+ turns to pop off. *pssh* Warlock poser. Yes, you were the sexpot of the gang, but your titty veins really freaked me out. Nice work locking your own brain shut...that was really stupid. Any dumbass woulda thought to pull the switcheroo on Gongora instead of willingingly turning himself into an amnesiac for a thousand years. Great job. And all you had to do was implode your own brain with magic to get all your memories back. You're a real masochist, queen. By the way, you don't look like a Ming...I always thought you should be called Jessica or something. Is that racist?

Mack & Cooke
To Mack - I must admit, kiddo...I made a few snap judgments when I saw your pigtails and fanny pack, but you turned out to be a-okay! I would call you a crybaby, but I'd be mocking the very tears and whiny voice that once resurrected my team. You're a super cute battle buddy with a wrist mounted frisbee; don't let anyone tell you this casts you outside what's socially acceptable. Hugs.

To Cooke - I never really liked you. Sure, you had Zephyra before anyone else...but I still benched you most of the time. You are annoying and your mommy never loved you. You're a vile banshee child and you killed her just by existing.
King Tolten
To Sarah - It was truly a pleasure meeting you...mmm hmm. Yes, indeed... Well uhhhh, this is a tad awkward. I didn't use you much at all. You're a bit boring and I don't like your face mole. Have you even broken level 30? Right. Yeah so...nice getup, somebody must be a total pear under there.

To Tolten - As big a pussy as you are, you were quite an asset to our posse. Thank God for Break Hit! I never knew a man dressed as C3PO could be so agile. Cherish your self-doubt, it may protect against your propensity to fail.
Sarah Sisulart
To Sed - Sorry we didn't have more time to bond, cuz you all the way rule, old man! Too bad you didn't do more with that axe; when you put 30 extra pounds on a weapon, it should serve some purpose, I think. Stop calling Seth "mommy"'s creepy.

General Kakanas

To Kakanas - Damn, Damn, DAMN! Why'd they have to diss a fine Black brotha like this? I'm so sorry you have to parade around with one hand on your waist and over-tweezed eyebrows. I think I can piece that puzzle...But silver fairy wings on your sexy bald mochalicious head? Isn't that a little heavy-handed, video game?

*sigh* This is really hard, so I won't prolong it. I just need some time away... GTA4 is pretty fantastic, or maybe I"ll play that Mass Effect expansion. I dunno...maybe I'll return someday. Would you take me back? Don't answer that. My heartstrings may snap. Why are you looking at me like that? Please! I'm not strong enough for this! I'm gonna go now...don't look at me. Close your eyes and I'll lay the controller down slowly. Remember the good times, eh? I'll never forget. I won't say goodbye...
Don't even think about following me...okay? *sniff*

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